angelion

The End of The Beginning

It’s almost six in the evening and the sun is well underway with its daily ritual. While the city’s workforce make their way home; I’m driving in the opposite direction. I want to get away from it all and break my own cycle of daily visits to Starbucks just to get myself up in the morning. You see I’ve had enough of my day-to-day existence and the same schedule I’ve been trapped in for the past four and a half years. Sure, I have it easy compared to some, but we all like change. That said, the only type of change I attract are those that make you want to lock yourself away with a bottle of jack and drown your sorrows because it seems the man upstairs has a personal vendetta against you at times.

Speaking of being alone, I remember graduating from college. I’d finished with an average grade on a course no one really cares about, but I was happy. I had a little life experience under my belt, and I was free. Just like all my high school friends. Well, the ones I’d kept in touch with. One by one, they informed me how they hated this city, and were staying put in their new homes, with their new friends. I was down to one friend who’d stuck with me through everything, even if he didn’t realise what was going on. And that’s how it’s been ever since really. Sure, we talk, we have a drink and go to our local, but that’s not the life I want to live. I wanted to live. I wanted to see the world in all its glory. While we might not be alone, I’m only here once, so why shouldn’t I take full advantage? Why shouldn’t I make this life count?

So I had plans to go backpacking around Europe in my year out, and come back all grown up. That was the plan, but things rarely go as expected. Instead I ended up working in some warehouse where qualifications meant nothing, and unless you were one of the female workers knocking off the boss, you didn’t get a dinner hour. After two years, a better opportunity came along, and so I jumped at the chance to get into a real job. It was certainly a step up the employment ladder, but with greater pay came greater pressure. And that’s where I’ve been for the last 2 years or so – working in a medium-sized office block, under a guy who talks like William Shatner with a speech impediment.

Sure, it was funny, for a while, but just like any other amusement, it soon gets old. Especially after being told I’m not working ‘hard … enough’ and I’m coming to work looking like ‘something out of a R..Ro…Romero movie’. I never really understood that, although I’m guessing it’s hardly complimentary. Thinking about it, I’m not sure he ever expressed any approval of my work. Then again, I’m a believer in karma and universal balance, and today, I brought balance back to the working relationship by placing several little mechanical monkeys in his office.

I hooked them up so they’d set off when they detected slight vibrations nearby. Only, they’re well hidden – behind cabinets, in drawers, above ceiling tiles etc., so it will take weeks to find them all. By that point, he’ll have endured hour upon hour of grinding cogs. Shame, but after the verbal abuse I’ve put up with, it’s only fair. Yeah, I realise that he could make sure I never work in this city again, but that’s not really a problem. I’ll not be working again after walking out from my job and telling my boss where he could shove the job (sideways, too). I’ve had enough of my work and I’ve had enough of my life. My girlfriend – Lauren, couldn’t care less about me. I know I shouldn’t put up with what she does to me, but I care for her. I can’t just let go of someone I care for, even if it’s nothing more than mere affection.

My love life has always been that way – complicated, that is. Somehow, I’ve had my fair share of girlfriends and even a fiancé, but they never worked out. Not in the long run. I don’t seem to be the type of guy to stay in a relationship, because I’ve always had trouble keeping the girl happy, despite my best intentions. I try, but like everything else, it’s just not good enough. So this morning I decided to quit. Not just my job, but my relationship, my family and my life.

This… is the end of me. Everything ends here, at this disused railway bridge. Who’d have thought it would all end here, at a nameless crossing in the middle of nowhere. It’s perfect for what I need though. It’s deep enough to make sure there’s no possibility of miracle or mistake. It’s remote enough to ensure there’s no do-gooder intervention, and it’s quiet enough to spend my last few moments in peace.

It’s the right thing to do I’m sure. Definitely. I can’t back out now; I’ve come too far. I’ve said my goodbyes, and I’ve made my peace. There’s no turning back, even if I am Wilde Coyote in pursuit of the Roadrunner of my dreams. My, doesn’t that sound poetic? I always had a habit of rambling on at inappropriate moments. Then again, I just have to step over the safety fence and jump. Easy…anyone can do that, even me. Here goes nothing…

I can’t believe I’m moments away from my end and all I can think about is the times I’ve screwed up. All the people I hurt. All the bad decisions I made. Is this my greatest mistake of all?

My God, what have I do…

 

Prologue

Resurrection